Fairytales and Self-Worth: How Our Fantasies Can Cause Serious Issues

Ridgewood, New Jersey

Raise your hand if “The Little Mermaid” was your fav Disney Movie of all time?? Seriously, who doesn’t love Ariel’s long, flowing, red hair and her perfect ending to the love story she knew she wanted for all of 10 minutes? It’s a good thing we didn’t understand time when we were younger…

But seriously. I ate that stuff up. The man. The body. The looks. The everything. I was raised to believe that my prince charming was going to come into my life and sweep me off my feet. That true love would leave me with no more worries ever again. What an amazing fairytale that had to be true.

Unfortunately (and I hate to burst your bubble here), that’s not actually how relationships go at all. In fact, falling in love with someone after seeing them for 2 seconds is highly unlikely (and slightly creepy honestly). And I’m sure every relationship you’ve ever been in couldn’t have been further from the fairytale love stories.

But here’s the thing, this is why….

Body issues, food issues, low self-esteem, and any other form of body bashing, and low self-worth can wreak havoc on a relationship (Take it from me). What’s worse is that everything is energy! EVERYTHING. And if you are vibrating from a level of low self-worth, doubt, body shame you will ATTRACT men at that same vibration. Ever wonder why “all the good ones are taken”? Because even if you did find Mr.Right you wouldn’t be at the vibrational level in order to keep him. Hello, self-sabotage!

Body image and self-worth issues bring on a multitude of problems ranging from not wanting to date to destroying every relationship (subconsciously) because of attachment issues, not feeling good enough, unworthy, needing to prove, excessively needy. And with the days/weeks/months/years go by without so much as a kiss on the cheek, you can begin to feel less worthy and more desperate to ever find any type of love that could truly last.

Or maybe you’re using work as a way to not have to worry about going on a date, put yourself out there, or open up to another person about the way you feel about who you are as a person.

So, how do you maneuver out of that slump you’ve found yourself in where the vicious cycle of not feeling worthy enough circles back into finding the wrong type of relationship and then back to not being worthy enough? I’m so glad you asked!

When we tap into our feminine energy, we are able to receive all of the good things life has to offer us (including a meaningful relationship)! Too many times, women confuse this feminine energy with sexual energy, and that’s simply not it at all.

Feminine energy is a flow -it’s leaning back in knowing that you are a prize.
But what often happens is we look for ways to validate that we are a prize worthy of so much more instead of already knowing. Torn between needing a man to give you attention, validate your worth OR enjoying the thrill of pushing him away. After all, you “love being single and certainly don’t need a man to make you happy” right?

Except, that’s not proof at all that you’re “worthy” of anything or that you are even being sold the story that you don’t need anyone. In fact, that is actually you being terrified of commitment, responsibility, or being hurt. Why? Because if someone breaks the commitment or hurts you, it might show what you have already been fearing, that you are in fact “not enough”.

Then what? You’re back to square one. With a much bigger guard up. And one more notch lower of self-worth.

If you are at the point in your life where when you lay your head down at night and find yourself yearning for a real, honest relationship but you don’t believe that you are worth having one, it’s time to stop letting the past rule your current and future situations. It’s time to start accepting all parts of yourself for exactly what they are: amazing.

It’s not about finding Mr. Right, or about finding someone you will never argue with (because that’s not reality… ever). It’s about truly finding someone who loves you so incredibly much that they are willing to be the man that you need them to be and grow with you!

What else could you ask for in this world than finding a person who loves you and accepts you, even the parts that you haven’t fully accepted yourself?

The thing is, you will never find that guy unless you have done a lot of the heavy lifting yourself. Accepting yourself, your body, your wounds, your gates guarding your heart – all of it has to be accepted before someone else can come in and truly swoop you off your feet like Prince Eric did to Ariel.

Keep this in mind: finding a man who can love you for you will definitely boost your self-worth a little, but it will not be your sole source of self-worth validation. If two people come together thinking the other one will finally be their answer to happiness, they are in for a rude awakening.

Find yourself first, then find yourself a relationship that will show you what true love really is. But at the end of the day, stand firm in who you are and know that if something were to happen with the relationship, you are still complete. You are still happy. You are still worthy.

Your relationship will be an added bonus to how you already feel about yourself. It will not be the only source of self-worth but more of a bonus (like free guacamole on a Taco Tuesday night).

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